Tuesday, 11 February 2020

Which Spice Girl do men want? - The differences of moving on

I guess it's obvious really by reading my blog that I long for a meaningful lasting connection with a man that develops into a relationship but I struggle to have one.

Men have come and gone but never stuck around. Like I mention in my post "The Practice Wife" I am unsure why they cheat, lie and move on so rapidly. 

I've read other blogs, articles and books on why men do move on so fast. The general theme that arises in most cases is because men feel like they can't process their emotions like women do post break up. Obviously there is always exception to this rule. So why can't they?

Women can do exactly what I'm doing by disclosing their feelings, talking it through, researching, eating tubs of icecream or not eating. Overthinking, analysing everything ever said, discussing it with friends and cry. Women go through this process for a while before contemplating dating another man. The process is painful and causes so much heart ache  but professionals say that this process is healthy albeit causing suffering but should enable the heartbroken to move on with a deeper and better understanding of themselves and relationships.

Although some men might wish they could do that and some already might. Studies suggest that they generally don't because a failed relationship whether it be long or short term if any emotion was involved then once it fails, this isn't seen as manly. To have failed and have emotion. It goes back to fight or flight and the caveman in them. They cannot tolerate sitting with the emotion.

So instead of processing their emotions by grabbing the nearest tub of ice cream or calling up their bestie to re read over texts/social media and asking constant questions. They seek female attention elsewhere to sooth their emotions and for them to feel manly again. They then feel on top of the world getting a fresh new sexual and emotional input from another devoted girl. Pat on the back for the guys!

Of course this sounds amazing, all the rush and excitement of a new lover, we all know how that feels. So maybe men actually deal with heartache in a far better way? Maybe they've got it right?

But life is never that straight forward is it? So actually whilst they are living the new dream they never learn to deal with emotions very well, They compartmentalize, so more often than not will continue to repeat this behaviour cycle and I question is that real happiness?

Maybe if they learnt to have time alone and to feel the emotion they are experiencing no matter what that emotion was, yes they too would suffer like us girls, but actually they might start to gain clarity, be more sensitive and have healthier relationships and be able to deal with uncomfortable emotions far better. Just a thought 🤔

Relationships have ups and downs and perhaps when shit does hit the fan they've learnt to process emotions instead of shutting down and moving on to the next. 

The majority of the men I've been in relationships with who have either cheated or jumped straight into a new relationship have not gone on to last, likely to then cause the next girl the exact same heartache I have. Us women do have a raw deal.

We grieve in different ways. Of course like I said there is always the exception to the rule which goes both ways.

Having so much time to reflect on me and all this emotional crap I've been through over the past 20 years I am beginning to think why do I even want a relationship with a man?

In my experience, I've either been treated badly and I've stuck at it hoping things will change but then it ends badly anyway which results in heartache. Or I've had lovely relationships with lovely men but they dont feel the same and they move on quickly and it results in heartache. 

So to sum it up whether I've had good or bad relationships they all end in heartache. So why would I put myself through that again, makes me think. 

Maybe it's me, maybe I'm just not marriage material. After all no one wants to marry the 90s Spice Girl Geri,  which is how I've been described before. Men want to marry a Posh or Baby, or so I've been told. 

I've no idea what men want. But I certainly know that I can be...

A Sporty at the gym
A Baby when meeting parents
A Scary at the party
A Geri in the bedroom
A Posh as a sexy mother type girl 

So I guess only time will tell if I decide to enter another relationship or even if i get the opportunity. They've got to be pretty amazing if any of them think I will date, shag and have a relationship with them.

So I suppose it's either about keeping faith or loosing faith....?

https://youtu.be/LuzCwXB4AJQ

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