When I finally said goodbye to my long term boyfriend at the beginning of 2017. I decided to make some changes in my life. The relationship had gone sour and I feel I had lost myself for the latter part of the relationship.
Going through a horrendous split, after realising he was going to pursue the relationship he had cheated on me with I knew I had to make some changes.
I had fallen into a densely depressed trap of boredom in the relationship, well we both had. There was no excitement left and his lies became so difficult to swallow that he made me feel like I was going insane when I questioned him.
I had always had a zest for life before meeting him and for the early stages of the relationship but somehow being swamped down by a variety of factors I seemed to lose that aspect of me. Perhaps it stems from being born on TV!!!
I have always been a bit of an adrenaline junkie, stemmed from my dad, I think, as we were always the ones to explore and do some crazy things whilst I was growing up, we used to hike for hours, climb mountains, we went in a 4 seater aeroplane, helicopters and snorkeled. My dad was a scuba diver so I guess it all came from his attitude in doing exciting things.
Prior to meeting my ex boyfriend I had bungee jumped, quad biked, jet skied, and been skiing. Whilst I was with my ex we experienced a microlight and para gliding, we were also offered to learn to paddle board but my ex didn't really like the water and so we never pursued the offer.
Since splitting with him. I have travelled alone, learnt to salsa dance, learnt to snowboard, learnt to indoor and outdoor climb. I have skinny dipped and bathed on nudist beaches. Zip wired. I have sky dived, I have learnt to play the djembe drum. Learning French. I am currently having those paddle board lessons...finally! I have become better at yoga and have my very own aerial yoga swing. I continue to keep fit by attending regular gym classes.
I have done many other things since we split up and I finally feel like I have my spontaneous side back, or as my mum describes ...Impulsive!
So the paddle boarding is going well and I am looking forward to travelling once the pandemic is over to experience it in warmer climates as wet-suits don't quite cut the British autumnal weather!
I have many other things I am going to try. After all life is for living.
Recently I met someone of great kind character who I felt a real instant bond with. Sadly his mother passed away suddenly and unexpectantly, I cant even imagine what he is going through. His loss has put things into perspective for me and I've been reflecting on how the pandemic has effected thousands of lives and families.
It is ok to be an adrenaline junkie and try new things because life is certainly for seizing the day, we aren't on this earth long and really should embrace every opportunity.
For some, being a spontaneous adrenaline junkie isn't for every one and can be deemed as irresponsible, but for me....why not? I get a sense of fun and generally my sense of feeling lost suddenly disappears and I start to feel found.....
Being on that paddle board in the middle of a lake looking at the beautiful scenery with no body around, being half way up the climbing wall contemplating my next move, free falling from the sky, feeling on top of the world at the top of a mountain. Exploring countries alone, with no one to turn to and only have your own thoughts and terrible sense of direction to get you back. The warmth of the sunshine and touch of the sea on my naked body. I finally feel peace.
I know that I would rather have new experiences than to live in the mundane world of never trying anything new or being out of the comfort zone.
I thank my dad for providing me with this gene of wanting to explore the world.
It is a big world out there and so many things to do and see.
I have felt so lost for so long, I still have a long way to go but being able to explore and be spontaneous or impulsive or whatever it is certainly makes life more exciting and I feel more content. Yes I make crazy decisions and sometimes they aren't the right ones but if I am honest I had hell of a journey making the wrong decision! As someone I know once said about making the wrong decision..."Oh...just...so...many..."
One life; live it in every best possible way that you can. Whether that be....going to work and providing for your family and seeing their faces light up on the Friday film night or whether it is at the top of a mountain ...enjoy life, enjoy the ride because you never quite know when your time is up.
All I would say is this....just try that one thing you've always wanted to do, for tomorrow is not guaranteed.